Blog
Back to listing
Why I Love America
Posted: Thu 16 Jul 2009 | Comments: 93
My unhealthy fascination with America began when I was seven. I used to go around my classmate’s house after school every day until my Mum got home from work. He was looked like a chubby mouse and always tried to snog me, as all fat seven year old boys do.
I freaking hated it- I LOATHED it. But I loved his Nickelodeon.. Oh how I loved his Nickelodeon.
His family were the first to get Sky TV in my little village. Sweet Mary and Joseph, I would have traded Jesus for Sky TV*. Nickelodeon haunted my waking dreams- each program a sensory orange overload, I craved Sky. Everything felt whackier, zanier, louder, faster, brighter, bigger and better than anything I had ever watched before. It was my first fizzy taste of America, my first slice of neon-coloured pie and I was hooked.
His family went to Florida regularly, obviously making them the paris hiltons family in the village and they always came back fat and tanned and all, dressed in fluoro shell suits which made me want to be them even harder. As I would watch them from the sidelines, foaming at the mouth every easter break, my faux american dream slowly began blossomed.
I crave America. I always have, always will. I’m embarrassed to say it as it’s strange but I think about it every single day. It is equally fascinating as it is vile and alive as it is dead.
My first trip was in 2005 and really felt like I’d entered a bubble- nothing feels real.
It’s exhilarating anMy unhealthy fascination with America began when I was seven. I used to go around my classmate’s house after school every day until my Mum got home from work. He was looked like a chubby mouse and always tried to snog me, as all fat seven year old boys do.
I freaking hated it- I LOATHED it. But I loved his Nickelodeon.. Oh how I loved his Nickelodeon.
His family were the first to get Sky TV in my little village. Sweet Mary and Joseph, I would have traded Jesus for Sky TV*. Nickelodeon haunted my waking dreams- each program a sensory orange overload, I craved Sky. Everything felt whackier, zanier, louder, faster, brighter, bigger and better than anything I had ever watched before. It was my first fizzy taste of America, my first slice of neon-coloured pie and I was hooked.
His family went to Florida regularly, obviously making them the paris hiltons family in the village and they always came back fat and tanned and all, dressed in fluoro shell suits which made me want to be them even harder. As I would watch them from the sidelines, foaming at the mouth every easter break, my faux american dream slowly began blossomed.
I crave America. I always have, always will. I’m embarrassed to say it as it’s strange but I think about it every single day. It is equally fascinating as it is vile and alive as it is dead.
My first trip was in 2005 and really felt like I’d entered a bubble- nothing feels real.
It’s exhilarating and confusing. As much as it completes me, it empties me. Does anyone else feel like this? Americans reading this blog- how do you feel? What is it like living in America?
Why am I so obsessed.. Why do I remain addicted..
Here’s a list I compiled of what makes the country so fascinating for me.
1. The Candy.
I mean…the food packaging makes me want to buy everything. Everything is fun and bright and ‘oh hey cutey pie! i looks so cute! i wont make you fat! buy me! i’m welcoming and familiar’!
Everything is blueberry or grape flavour.
Everything contains peanut butter.
Every candy bar name is inventive- who would ever name a choc bar “WATCHAMACALLITS’ in the UK? Nobody. That’s who. Note to The British Chocolate Imagination Society: you are rubbish.
Goobers, Swedish Fish, Strawberry Vines, Mike ‘N Ikes, Lemonheads, Lifesavers, Raisinets, WATCHMACALLITS, Twizzlers…shluurrrrp.
2. Novelty food/ clothing/ other useless inventions- any novelty idea seems to have floated over from the US. Do you think it is because the attitude of the American is/ was more cheerful and optimistic therefore the fun novelty ideas flow more readily over there? (I want my beer-drinking cap and I want it now.)
3. The use of the letter ‘Z’ in many product names. (I want my LazyBoy and I want it now.)
4. The attitude that anything is possible. That anyone can become anything. The attitude that you can HAVE anything you want (this is not exactly healthy in my opinion).
Everything seems geared towards instant gratification. The idea seems to be present in everything from television to advertising to food to schooling to literature etc etc etc . But I could be absolutely off the mark as I don’t know the country well enough and I appreciate that. (Am saying this so that nobody feels am offending them and I don’t get death threats like last time I shared an opinion).
5. Ranch Dressing. Pancakes. Bacon. Maple Syrup. America has the BEST food that’s bad for you in the world. shlurrrrp…
6. There is a pill for everything. Again, this isn’t healthy BUT. IT. MAKES. ME. FEEL. SAFE. The pill names are so reassuring e.g. ‘RITEAID’ surely translates to: Don’t worry, Marina everything is going to be alRITE. (clever, huh?)
The amount of vitamins my american friends take are insane. I once knew a boy when I was 15 who had a whole trolley full of vitamins stocked in his house that his whole family would dip into every day. And this is pretty normal apparently.
7. The amount of celebratties that have been arrested for drink driving/ possession of drugs feels insane.
8. The marijuana culture.
9. The word ‘yall’. (Amen)
10. Britney
11. Madonna.
12. The macho-man movie voices that are ALWAYS used over the trailer of a film. Oh come ON- who really talks like that in real life? Have you EVER met anybody who actually talks like that?
13. The fact that there are so many crazies in Miami and LA.
14. The fact that mannequins in shops in Miami have 24″ waists and 32G breasts (LOL. Do not think really representative of average woman.)
15. Only country in world to accommodate so many religious cults.
FASCINATING. Plz take me to Utah now. (PS- Are the people in Louis Theroux’s documentary even real?)
16. Cheerleader + Jock culture.
Wish I could turn back time and be schooled in America from age 14..
Wish I could have been on national cheer team.
Instead, was schooled in American school in Greece from age 16. beggars can’t be choosers yall.
17. The endless pursuit of and obsession with perfection and aesthetic beauty. Weird/ sad/ alluring.
18. The fact that Jelly Belly wrote back to me when I sent a letter stating my ‘wild flavour suggestions’ to their tasting team in Fairfield, California in September1995.
“Hello Marina,
We appreciate your suggestions for our new flavour of Jelly Belly but we do not think ‘Pink Chihuahua’ nor ‘Sizzling Chorizo’ will be a hit. ”
Their loss.
19. Marilyn.
Of course.
*FYI My family and I got Sky TV approximately 9 years after above mentioned event and we have lived happily ever after ever since.
Request to diamonds: Plz make me 2% less dumb and explain to me why you think America has provided the world with such an explosion of inventions and ideas, technologically and candy-wise, over the years? Considering the country is young, historically speaking. Obviously politics and natural resources have a huge amount to do with this but any kind of 3 minute explanation (my concentration span dies after this) would be greatly appreciated.